How to Set Boundaries in all Relationships

How to Set Boundaries in All Relationships and Why It Matters

Healthy relationships have boundaries. Knowing your limitations and effectively communicating them is extremely important.

Many people, especially at the height of a new relationship, feel boundaries are limiting. The simple fact is, healthy relationships have boundaries! They’re the foundation for the respect you have for your partner, and establishing those boundaries builds communication and trust between you.

Let’s review the importance of boundaries, what does and doesn’t work, and how you can set boundaries for a healthier relationship with your partner. 

The Importance of Boundaries

The misconception about boundaries is that they create distance between two people in a relationship. In reality, these boundaries create a loving, respectful, honest, and communication-based relationship.

There are several reasons boundaries in all relationships are important, so let’s look at common types of relationships where boundaries matter.

Boundaries in a romantic relationship

In a romantic relationship, boundaries give clear lines to define where you and your partner stand as a couple and as individuals. They help ensure the relationship is equal, appropriate, respectful, and caring. Boundaries also help distinguish what is your responsibility and what isn’t. 

As an example, your partner’s emotions are not your responsibility, but treating them respectfully while they cope with their emotions is your responsibility. By setting boundaries on your social lives, sex lives, and personal lives, you remove the blame game from the equation and make way for open communication instead. 

Boundaries in a professional relationship

Boundaries in our work lives are usually the easiest to set. These boundaries include how you and others are expected to act in the workplace, how to communicate with other staff, and the expectations each person has of one another.

The importance of these boundaries tends to be more intuitive. For instance, allowing yourself to leave work at the door when you come home or not allowing work to interfere with the time you have set aside for family.

Boundaries with family members

Setting firm boundaries with family members is often the hardest. Most of us are people-pleasers for family, but the important thing to understand is that your needs are important.

Your family loves you, and with boundaries, they will know how to show that love in a respectful way. Setting boundaries with family members might look like talking no politics at the dinner table or knocking before they enter your bedroom.

Boundaries that don’t work

One of the important things to note about creating boundaries is to understand which ones won’t work. These kinds of boundaries can often be harmful and tend to be rooted in a need for control. Boundaries that are off-limits are any that limit another person’s options. 

Your boundaries are for you, and your partner, family members, or work partners will set their own boundaries as well. Remember, boundaries do not mean getting to dictate how another person behaves. You may have a physical boundary like not wanting to be hugged, but you have no say over whether they can hug another person. 

How to set boundaries

Now let’s get into the nitty-gritty of how to set boundaries:

• Start early: The earlier you can let someone know about your boundaries, the sooner they can take them into account while they’re around you. 

• Communicate: Sometimes your boundaries will change. Sometimes your partner or family member may need help to understand why you’re requesting a boundary. Communicating honestly is the key to healthy boundaries.

• Focus on “I” statements: This keeps you from placing the blame on someone else. Instead of saying, “You’re always in my space,” say, “I feel like I could use a little breathing room right now.”

• Ask for help: If you’re having trouble setting or getting others to respect your boundaries, the help of a licensed therapist can equip you with the communication skills you need to make your boundaries clear. 

Are you wanting to set boundaries, but finding it more difficult than you expected? Or perhaps you feel as if someone in your life isn’t respecting your boundaries. Reach out today to learn how we can work together to help you create healthy boundaries and enforce them positively!