How to Allow Yourself to Intimate If You Find It a Struggle

Allowing someone to know and love you is one of the most intimate human experiences. It may not always come easily, but allowing yourself to be intimate with another person is possibly one of the most gratifying things you can do. 

Even without realizing it, you may be harboring a fear of intimacy. In fact, you may deeply crave an intimate relationship, but simply cannot allow yourself to reach that level of vulnerability. This may be holding you back from deepening your relationships. 

If you have not experienced true intimacy before or feel blocked from doing so, fear not. There are plenty of ways to achieve intimacy in your life. Keep reading to learn more.

Let’s define intimacy

You have probably heard the term intimacy before, perhaps only in a sexual context. True intimacy, however, goes far beyond physical acts. Simply put, to be intimate is to truly allow someone else to know and understand you. Being intimate is dropping your guard around someone you love. 

There are plenty of forms of intimacy outside of a romantic relationship. These types of intimacy include:

  • Spiritual 

  • Physical 

  • Mental or intellectual 

  • Emotional 

Why do we fear intimacy? 

In certain cases, you may not even realize you truly fear intimacy. You may simply think you do not desire a romantic relationship or that relationships, in general, make you angry or uncomfortable. These feelings can usually be attributed to fear of intimacy. 

There is no one reason why we fear intimacy. Having a deep-rooted fear of rejection may be one cause as well as a previous trauma. Either way, struggling with intimacy is not uncommon.

Many people find it difficult to lower their boundaries, especially when first developing a relationship with another person. Having this fear does not mean you are undeserving of love, it only means you may have to work a bit harder in the beginning to allow yourself to be open to it. 

Steps you can take

The good news is that there are plenty of options you can take to allow yourself to be more intimate. Here are some tips. 

  • Get to know yourself first. You could not give a presentation on a book you did not read. Diving into relationships, especially romantic ones, before you know your own wants and desires is the same idea. Although you do not need to have a complete sense of self before seeking a romantic partner or even a friend, it is best to have a good idea of who you are and what you stand for. This will keep you grounded while letting your walls down. 

  • Work on your communication skills–and listening too! Communication is the absolute key to any relationship. A large part of good communication is good listening as well. Be sure to let your partner know what is on your mind–even if it may seem easier or safer to stay guarded. 

  • Grant yourself permission to be happy. Sometimes we self-sabotage our own happiness. Whether deliberately or not, the biggest barrier in between you and your own happiness is yourself. Regardless of what you may think of yourself, remember that you deserve love and happiness just as much as the next person. Grant yourself permission first and then everything else will fall into place. 

Of course, even with the assistance of these tips, letting your guard down to achieve true intimacy may still not come naturally to you. In situations like this, seeking professional help is a completely viable option.

Traditional talk therapy is a great way to work through some of your anxieties surrounding intimacy. If you are interested in talking to someone about this, reach out to my office today for couples counseling or relationship therapy for singles.

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