Overcoming the Feeling “You’re Not Good Enough”
Feelings of inadequacy are part of being human. We sometimes feel that we’re unimportant. It’s important to acknowledge this insecurity so that you can overcome it. There are ways you can put a stop to intrusive thinking patterns like this.
The danger with these feelings of inadequacy is mostly to your self-esteem. Your confidence can suffer if you always feel you are underperforming. Feeling unimportant, unworthy, or just plain down on yourself can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression, too.
Let’s look at who’s likely to experience this, the causes, and how you can combat feeling like you’re not good enough.
Who’s Likely to Experience These Feelings?
Although feeling like we aren’t enough happens to all of us in some capacity, it’s more common and more intrusive for others. Anyone who focuses heavily on achievement may face consistent feelings of not being good enough. High achievers have a near addiction to success. When they inevitably fail, simply by fault of being human, it can damage their self-esteem.
More commonly, victims of psychological and sexual abuse experience feeling like they aren’t good enough. This is often a direct result of their abuse and trauma. When our minds undergo extremely stressful events like these, it calls our self-worth into question. Survivors of other traumas like first responders, or minorities and marginalized communities who face prejudice, can also face these emotions.
What Causes Us to Feel Like We Aren’t Good Enough?
We’ve covered that abuse and trauma can cause us to feel inadequate. This mental damage is very real. The feelings that accompany them, while valid, require processing. This is the first step to overcoming those feelings of inadequacy. Another cause of these thoughts is demanding or overly critical parents. More often than not, parents want what’s best for their kids. Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to them comparing their children with others.
When growing up, we may have heard phrases like, “Why can’t you be more like them? Their grades are up and they’re even on the soccer team.” While these words might have come from a place of love, they still tear down our self-worth. They also lay the groundwork for even more insidious self-talk in our adult lives. It’s even possible that these comparisons and critiques create attachment issues.
How It Shows Up:
Some signs that you might experience feelings of “not being enough” are:
Not enjoying the present
Not appreciating your achievements (despite how significant)
Being future-focused
Feeling like you’re always ready to move on to the next big thing
Fear of commitment or fear of “settling” and not being sure if this is “the one”
Projecting insecurities into a partner.
What to Do:
There are steps you can take to combat these feelings of inadequacy:
Identify the Critical Voice: You might discover that you’re speaking to yourself the same way your parents spoke to you as a child. Ask yourself if you would talk to a friend like this. Try to adjust your language to be more empathetic to yourself.
Focus on Self Compassion: Once you identify where these beliefs come from, you can adjust the inner voice. Commit to treating yourself with kindness, because you deserve it.
List Your Accomplishments: Having an ongoing list of what you’ve accomplished can help you rebuild your confidence. Include acts of service and kindness towards others. Refer to this list when you feel insecure.
Seek Therapy: Therapeutic treatments like EMDR can help correct generalized negative beliefs that stem from traumatic situations. Consider reaching out to a therapist to talk about which psychotherapy treatment options might work for you.
