4 Tips to Prioritize Your Own Needs in a Relationship

Relationships require compromise. It’s important to understand your partner’s needs so you can be supportive, communicative, and loving. But it’s just as important to prioritize your own needs. 

If you don’t focus on your needs in your relationship, you run the risk of losing your sense of self. You might become co-dependent and only focused on making your partner happy. Or, you might continue on in the relationship feeling unhappy and unfulfilled but also unwilling to change anything. 

So, what can you do to prioritize your needs? Start by understanding that it isn’t selfish. You have every right to have your needs met. With that in mind, let’s cover a few tips you can use to make sure your needs aren’t being ignored. 

1. Let Go of Guilt

You might be tempted to keep quiet about your needs because you feel guilty expressing them. Maybe a past relationship influenced you to believe your needs didn’t matter. Or, maybe you were taught from a young age not to talk about the things you wanted. 

Whatever the case, the first step in prioritizing your needs is not feeling guilty about them. Everyone has them, and it’s important to recognize that they are valid, no matter how big or small. When you let go of the guilt, you’ll be more willing to open up and show vulnerability about the things that matter to you.

2. Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care every day should be non-negotiable. Simple things like eating healthy foods, exercising, or journaling are all fantastic forms of self-care that can benefit your physical and mental well-being. 

Self-care practices also subconsciously show you that you matter. They will make you feel replenished, relaxed, and can allow you to be more in tune with your needs and wants. 

3. Prioritize Communication

If you’re going to prioritize your needs, you also need to prioritize talking about them — and everything else. Communication is imperative to a healthy relationship. It allows you and your partner to strengthen your bond and your intimacy, and helps to eliminate confusion and misinterpretations. 

If you don’t actively communicate, especially when it comes to your needs, you might end up feeling resentful toward your partner, and it’s not even their fault. Or, you might bottle u your feelings and use them as fuel when you have disagreements. Both options are harmful to your relationship. 

4. Decide What’s Most Important

We could all probably come up with a list of things we want from our romantic partner. But, expressing your needs in a relationship isn’t about making a list of demands. Rather, it’s about understanding your core values and how they carry over into your needs. 

If you’re having trouble determining what your needs really are, it’s worth it to give it some real thought. What are your beliefs? What matters most to you? How can your partner help to fulfill those things? When you have a clear view of your values, it’s much easier to communicate your needs effectively. 

Keep in mind, however, that your needs can change over time. What’s important to you today might not seem as weighty in five years. Check-in with yourself and your partner regularly to re-evaluate your needs. It’s more than a one-time discussion in your relationship. 

If you’re still having trouble prioritizing your own needs in your relationship, there could be something bigger going on. Your self-esteem might be getting in the way. Or, maybe you don’t think your needs are valid or worthy of bringing up. If that’s the case, consider reaching out for help. Either couples therapy or relationship counseling can be a great way to learn more about yourself and your relationship.