Is It Normal to Feel Anxiety About Getting Married?

You’ve probably heard of wedding day jitters, or even “cold feet” when it comes to walking down the aisle. But what if you’re feeling anxious about more than the big day itself? Is it normal to feel anxiety about getting married? 

In short, yes. 

Spending the rest of your life with someone is a huge commitment, and when you start thinking about how much your life might change, it’s perfectly understandable to feel a little anxious. 

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go through with your wedding or that your marriage is somehow doomed from the start. 

Let’s take a closer look at why this anxiety tends to pop up and what you can do about it. 

What Causes Marriage Anxiety? 

There are plenty of potential causes and triggers that can contribute to anxiety about getting married. One of the biggest ones is a fear of commitment. Even if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, it can feel very different when you sign a marriage license and know that you’re committing to a lifetime with them. This type of fear is often more common in people with other underlying mental health issues, like anxiety or depression. But, it can also affect you if you’re a child of divorced parents, or you’ve had traumatic relationships in the past. 

Marriage anxiety can also stem from a fear of change. Again, even if you’ve been with your partner for years, your life is about to change. You might be living together for the first time. You might be thinking about starting a family. Maybe your job situation will change, too, or you’ll have to move to a different community. 

Change isn’t always easy. People tend to fear the unknown, and you can’t be 100% certain of what to expect in a new marriage. 

Finally, you might be fueling your anxiety by setting unrealistic expectations. We all want a Hallmark-style relationship. But, most of the time, that’s not going to happen. Don’t let one argument or even the differences between you and your partner keep you from experiencing happiness in your marriage. These “issues” don’t mean that you have an unhealthy relationship. 

In fact, some of the happiest couples in the world are the ones who know how to argue in ways that strengthen their bonds. 

What Can You Do?

Getting to the root cause of your anxiety about marriage is important. Ask yourself what you’re truly scared of, and work from there as a starting point. 

Once you discover what your triggers are, talk to your partner about them. This is a perfect opportunity to start your life together off on the right foot by showing vulnerability and openness. 

Additionally, remind yourself why you’re getting married. Anxiety will be quick to try to sway you. It will make you question yourself and your marriage. Think about why you proposed or why you said “yes,” and let those reasons help you stand firm.

Make sure you have realistic expectations for yourself, your future spouse, and your life together. Talk about your goals and how you plan on achieving them as a married couple. It’s okay to want some aspects of a Hallmark relationship, as long as you stay grounded in what’s realistic. 

If you’re still struggling with anxiety about getting married, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. A therapist can help you dig deeper into why you might be feeling anxious. They’ll also work with you to develop strategies that can help you overcome your fears. In the meantime, show yourself some compassion, and recognize that it’s okay to feel anxiety about getting married.  Reach out to learn more about pre-marital counseling or couples therapy.