How to Learn From and Avoid Repeating Relationship Mistakes

Getting into a new relationship is exciting. It’s fun to have those “butterflies” in your stomach whenever you’re around that person, and it’s easy to start fantasizing about a future with them quickly. 

But, the last thing you want is to make similar relationship mistakes that you’ve made in the past. Whether you’ve had a string of failed relationships or you were in a long-term relationship that just didn’t work out, being able to learn from those mistakes is important. It’s the same reason we study historic events — so we don’t repeat the negative ones. 

It’s not always easy to acknowledge your mistakes. But, recognizing and admitting them is the first step to avoid making them again. 

With that in mind, let’s cover a few strategies you can use to learn from and avoid repeating past relationship mistakes. 

Take a Look at Patterns

While it might not be fun to think back on your dating history, you can learn a lot from it. Maybe you have a specific “type” that really isn’t good for you. Maybe you’ve struggled with communication issues. Or, maybe you tend to be too dependent or too independent. 

Recognizing patterns from past relationships can help you determine what you want to change. Keep in mind that these changes won’t occur overnight. There’s a reason the patterns exist, and focusing on them might make you start to realize some things about yourself that need to get worked out before you start dating again. 

Give Yourself Time

Speaking of working things out, don’t feel like you need to jump right back into the world of dating after ending a relationship. It might feel good to feel those butterflies again and have someone pay attention to you. But, if you aren’t giving yourself time to process and think about what went wrong in your previous relationship, you’re likely to fall into the same mistakes again. 

Lean on your support system. Talk to those closest to you and see if they have any input. Or, consider talking to a therapist about any patterns of past mistakes. Therapy is often a great way to get to the underlying cause(s) of those issues. A therapist can also help you find healthy, effective ways to work through them. 

Practice Self-Care

While you’re taking time for yourself, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Self-care is a fantastic way to recognize your worth and boost your self-esteem. If you’ve struggled with confidence in the past and it’s affected your relationship, self-care practices can make it easier to avoid those pitfalls. 

Best of all, self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. It can be something as simple as exercising each day or making sure you’re getting enough sleep. When you take the time to care for yourself, you’ll feel better mentally and physically, and you’ll be more prepared to enter into the dating pool with confidence. 

Understand Your Expectations

Having high expectations isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But, far too many relationships end before they can really take off because of unrealistic expectations. 

Before you start dating again, take a look at your own relationship expectations. Are they too high? Do you tend to find fault with someone too easily? Maybe you even fault yourself too easily or hold yourself to an unrealistic standard of perfection. 

On the other hand, another common problem with relationships is not having any expectations at all. If you go into a relationship not knowing what you really want, you’re more likely to let things slide that you would otherwise consider to be red flags. You might also start to lose your identity or core values because your expectations aren’t rooted. 

Dating can be fun, but it can also be frustrating when you’ve fallen victim to the same relationship mistakes more than once. Keep these tips in mind before you start dating someone new, and you’ll be less susceptible to making those mistakes again. 

Reach out to learn more about relationship counseling and how it can help you.