How to Spot an Emotionally Invalidating Partner
Everyone deserves validation for their feelings, especially in a romantic relationship. Emotions always demand to be felt, and while sometimes they can feel extreme or even not always based in reality, it’s important to find validation.
Unfortunately, not all partners provide that kind of emotional validation. When you’re with an emotionally invalidating partner, you might start to question if your feelings matter. You might struggle with self-esteem issues. Emotionally invalidating partners don’t just dismiss your feelings. They can mock them or reject them altogether.
So, what can you do? How can you spot an emotionally invalidating partner, and what should you do if you’re in a relationship with one?
Your Partner Dismisses Your Emotions
Does your partner frequently tell you that you’re too emotional? Do they tell you that you overthink things, or even that you’re too sensitive? This is often the most common and obvious sign of an emotionally invalidating partner.
Even if you are a sensitive person, it doesn’t mean your emotions are invalid or unimportant. If your partner seems completely uninterested in your feelings or even encourages you to ignore your emotions, they’re invalidating what you feel and that’s not okay.
They Make You Feel Guilty By Comparing You to Others
There’s no question that people are suffering and struggling all over the world. In the United States, we’re lucky to have things like clean water, air conditioning, and a steady food supply. But, just because your situation might not be as bad as someone in a third-world country doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid.
Maybe your friend just lost a child or is going through a divorce. Maybe a family member just lost their job and doesn’t know how they’ll pay rent. Does your partner bring all of that up and compare those situations to how you’re feeling? Those things are terrible, but still, your emotions are valid.
They Criticize You for Wanting Attention
Dealing with complicated and overwhelming emotions is difficult. It can be even worse when your partner accuses you of giving into your emotions or acting a certain way just because you want attention.
They might ask if you even want to get better or if you’re even trying to “control yourself.” They might also suggest that you can turn your emotions on and off like a switch, and suggest that you keep your feelings to yourself, especially in public.
Unfortunately, an emotionally invalidating partner can even take this idea further. They might suggest that you’re faking your emotions, or you’re putting on a show to make everyone focus on you.
They Lay On the Guilt
Your partner might get annoyed by your emotions, and ask you why you can’t ever seem to be happy. They might suggest you look on the bright side or try to make you feel bad for the emotions stirring up inside of you.
No one should be made to feel guilty because of their natural emotions. If you’re with someone who tries to lay on the guilt about how you express those emotions, they’re invalidating what you feel and how you react.
What Can You Do?
One of the best things you can do if you think you’re dealing with an emotionally invalidating partner is to talk to them. Express how their words and actions make you feel. Sometimes, people don’t know they’re being invalidated. They just have a different way of handling their emotions and they can’t fully understand other approaches.
But, if your partner won’t stop their dismissals and they aren’t willing to change how they treat you, it could be time to move on. No one deserves to feel invalidated, and your emotions matter. Reach out to us to learn more about couples therapy.
