The Magic of Therapy
A blog about the transformational power of psychotherapy and how it helps us blossom into the wholesome being we are.
Understanding Relationship OCD and how it relates to attachment trauma.
Brain image studies demonstrate that the same brain circuits that light up when infants interact with caregivers light up when we interact with adult romantic partners. Science has illustrated what we therapists have seen in our offices for years. This is why the intersection of attachment and trauma research is so crucial in the way we understand and heal our relationships with others and with ourselves. In this blog, I want to discuss relationship OCD as an attachment trauma response and provide some insights into understanding and healing.
How to manage dating anxiety when you have an anxious attachment style
When you have an anxious attachment, the novelty, discovery, and excitement of dating turn into a hot ball of uncertainty. You're constantly questioning your partner's intentions, the current status, and the relationship's future. You forget your own when focused on your partner's feelings and intentions. You need to reflect on how they make you feel, if their values align with your own, if their lifestyle is what you envision for yourself, etc. This heightened vigilance and concern with the other (primary caregiver in childhood and partner in adulthood) leave little room to focus and prioritize oneself. The fear of abandonment takes over; you analyze and overthink every interaction, which leaves you needing extra reassurance from your partner. Anxious attachment stresses the relationship, makes trust difficult, and causes frequent conflict.
Emotional Regulation & the Window of tolerance
The window of tolerance is a concept I find useful when assessing distress and helping clients understand what’s happening internally. The "window of tolerance" describes the optimal zone of arousal where an individual can function effectively. Within this window, we're able to think clearly, make rational decisions, and engage in healthy interpersonal relationships. The moment your feelings get too overwhelming, you’ve left the window of tolerance and things start to get ugly. This can manifest in various ways, such as heightened anxiety or emotional detachment.
