How to Approach Family Conflict as a Way to Do Better
In the make-believe world of Hollywood films and television shows, perfect families abound. Nothing ever goes seriously wrong to the extent that it cannot be patched up before the story ends. But that's Hollywood. In the real world, family conflict is to be expected.
We can approach family conflict as something destined to ruin life forever. We can approach it from a purely negative point of view. Yet we also have the choice to turn it into something positive. Each of us has the opportunity to approach family conflict as a way to do better.
Such an approach is not an attempt to put lipstick on a pig. It is also not a suggestion to look at life through a Pollyanna lens. It is simply to say that we make our choices negative and positive. There is a positive in every negative if we are willing to look for it.
Admit Where You Fell Short
There are many ways to approach family conflict as an opportunity to do better. Let us start with admitting where you fall short. In almost every case, family conflict involves the actions of multiple people. If you've helped contribute to the conflict, acknowledge it. Own it.
Admitting when we fall short encourages humility. It also gives us the opportunity to look inward. Finally, it represents an opportunity to work or change so that similar situations in the future don't lead us to fall short again.
Make Amends for Your Actions
After acknowledging that you have fallen short, you can turn the situation into a positive opportunity by making amends for your actions. Do not just apologize verbally. Ask anyone else you might have offended what you can do to make it up to them. Then be willing to do that.
Making amends is an opportunity to grow as a person. It is an opportunity to show those closest to you how much they mean to you. And to do it consistently, you need to learn to be more selfless and less selfish. Learning is always good for relationships.
Make a Plan for Avoiding Repeat Offenses
One of the most important aspects of turning family conflict into a positive experience is making a plan to avoid repeat offenses. Why? Because continually doing the same negative things time and again only makes family conflicts worse. On the other hand, making a sincere attempt to not repeat problematic behaviors works to reduce conflicts down the road.
The point of coming up with a plan is to think about specific ways to avoid future problems. For example, you might come to realize that offering your opinion on certain topics leads to conflict. Make a point of keeping your opinion to yourself unless you are specifically asked.
Adopt a Pragmatic Mindset
Finally, it might help to adopt a pragmatic mindset where family conflict is concerned. A pragmatic mindset accepts the fact that conflicts occur AND they are not the end of the world. It's a mindset that doesn't allow family members to beat themselves up because they happen to disagree.
Family conflict is part of being a family member. There is no way to avoid it. Don't fall into the trap of believing there are ways to eliminate conflict entirely. Instead, put your energies into learning how to work through those conflicts.
If you can turn family conflict into an opportunity to do better, you will be better off. Likewise for your family. If you can all take a more positive approach, family conflict can be minimized. And when it does occur, it can be quickly worked through.
Lastly, is ok to need a break from it all. Especially if you follow most of these tips without success. It could be overwhelming and painful when your family members don’t put in as much effort to protect the relationship as you do. Your feelings are valid and you should not have to do all the work.
