How Perfectionism Affects Your Dating Life
At one point or another, we have all sought out the “perfect” relationship. Your partner does everything right all the time, you never fight, and the honeymoon period lasts forever. Of course, this does not exist in real life.
Dating as a perfectionist can be difficult. When you think of the traits of a perfect partner, a perfectionist might take it literally. No one partner will ever be absolutely perfect, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Your perfectionism might be making you sabotage your own happiness. Let’s learn how to recognize the signs and take action against your perfectionism.
What is a perfectionist?
To better understand how perfectionism might affect your dating life, we should first go through what a perfectionist is. At the core of the word, perfectionists strive for perfection in every aspect of their life. In every aspect of your life, from professional to personal, you must be seen as flawless. While this may seem like a nice way to live (who wouldn’t want to excel at everything?) it is not a sustainable lifestyle.
Being a perfectionist can look many different ways, there is no one set of rules. Aside from striving for perfection overall, traits of a perfectionist might look like:
Extreme and harsh self-criticism
Being defensive or reactive of your actions
Overthinking all your decisions
Agitation or depression
Dating as a perfectionist
When it comes to your romantic life, there are several challenges that can arise. Since you may desire perfection, naturally you want your partner to act perfectly as well. We have taken the time to detail some of the common roadblocks that pop up in relationships with a perfectionist.
Projecting expectations
As a perfectionist, you might expect your partner to behave the way a perfect partner would. When these behaviors are not achieved or even surpassed, then you may blame them for not being perfect. Rather than acknowledging that it is not realistic for your partner to read your thoughts, you may blame them for not anticipating your needs.
This is not only unfair to your partner, but also to you. Expecting all of your wants to be fulfilled by one person without communicating them is setting both of you up for failure. Taking time to honestly reflect on your partner’s actions is a good way to tell if you have realistic expectations.
Perceiving conflict as a failure
If you’re striving for perfection, then you should never fight. Sometimes, though, conflict can be beneficial in a relationship. It does not necessarily mean that your relationship has failed. Additionally, voicing your thoughts and opinions to your partner, even if they’re unsavory, is key to maintaining a lasting relationship.
Overall, communicating with your partner is key to a healthy relationship. This will help you foster a strong and healthy base of your relationship. As a perfectionist, you might not want to tell your partner your wants and needs, but being open and honest is always the best option in the long run.
The “perfect” relationship
Regardless of how much you love your partner, no relationship will ever be perfect 100% of the time. Having ideas of what a perfect relationship or partner might not be realistic. Consider talking out your expectations with a close friend or writing down what your ideal relationship consists of. That way, you can receive some feedback on whether or not your ideas are achievable.
If you find your perfectionism getting out of control, there is no need to be ashamed to ask for help. You don’t have to handle this alone. Forms of therapy can help you get a handle on your perfectionism. Remember that at the core of perfectionism lies shame. It’s important for you discovery and recover from shame to be able to let go of perfectionistic tendencies. Visit our contact page today to get started with our team.
