How Are Codependency and Narcissism Linked?
Typically, codependency and narcissism are thought of as opposites. This is because codependency is seen as an excess of selflessness. Meanwhile, narcissism is viewed as an excess of selfishness. However, there are a lot of similar traits. Some of the core symptoms of narcissism and codependency overlap.
It’s possible that there’s a correlation between the two which can be traced back to childhood. That means the root of codependency and narcissism may have something in common. There are also significant similarities in the needs of each of these disorders, even if the behaviors differ.
What Are Narcissism and Codependency?
Both of these disorders involve a skewed outlook on the individual’s worth and importance. Let’s look at what these conditions are and what some possible symptoms could be.
Narcissism
Narcissism is tricky because it could be a simple personality trait or part of a larger disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is very real, but not all narcissists have NPD.
At its root, narcissism is self-involvement to a degree that the person ignores the needs of the people around them. They disregard others’ feelings and likely don’t understand the effect that their actions have on others. Symptoms include:
Sense of entitlement
Manipulative behavior
Need to be admired
Lack of empathy
Arrogance
Codependency
Codependency is sometimes colloquially called “relationship addiction”. It’s an emotional and behavioral disorder that affects a person’s ability to have healthy relationships.
Their relationships are usually one-sided, emotionally destructive, and often they’re dysfunctional or abusive. This person puts their needs aside to become highly focused on meeting the needs of another person. Symptoms include:
Low self-esteem
Compromising of values
High sensitivity to other’s feelings
Harsh judgement
Avoidance of intimacy
How Codependency and Narcissism Link
Although the symptoms above might have you believe these two disorders are complete opposites, their core manifestations often look similar. Some of the core similarities between these are:
Shame
Codependents usually adopt patterns as children that internalize their shame. Their coping patterns include accommodating others in order to receive love or approval. Narcissists, on the other hand, might seek recognition. They can develop a thirst for perfectionism and often try to dominate others. This pursuit of power cloaks the feelings of vulnerability and inferiority.
Sometimes these behaviors can result because of natural human needs. After all, we all need love and affection. With these two disorders, though, these behaviors become neurotic. They become compulsive in order to avoid feelings of insecurity and shame.
Denial
Denial is highly present in both disorders. The trick is that both disorders especially deny their emotional needs. How they do this is different, but the core principle remains the same. Because their emotional needs were either shamed or neglected growing up, they seek to obliterate them entirely in adulthood.
Both disorders can become people pleasers. Remember that need for approval, the seeking of recognition? That’s the narcissistic presentation of people-pleasing. Codependents operate differently. They people-please in an effort to be seen and approved of, but often at a cost to their own needs.
Addressing Narcissism and Codependency
Because these two disorders can be so inextricably linked, it’s difficult to diagnose. That’s why it’s important to seek therapy if you or a loved one exhibit these symptoms. Overcoming shame is likely to be the most challenging obstacle for both disorders. After all, a codependent and a narcissist both want nothing more than to avoid shame.
However, a professional therapist can help you identify and treat these disorders. You can explore treatment options like psychotherapy and medication. It’s worth the time and effort. Because these disorders can have devastating effects on your relationships and how you connect with the world.
